The Price of Vicious Rumors
by ivy v
Summary: What happens when rumors about Iori & random partners, of the romantic variety, get out of hand. Also makes fun of poorly written songfics, which is pretty much all of them.
1. The Rumors

Everything is copyright whoever owns it. I own nothing.   
  


I'm getting really tired of seeing Iori butting in on various pairings and/or his character being screwed up. The worst offeneder is the author of this story where Iori was paired with Blue Mary, not to metion all those damn Iori/Kyo people. Sad thing is, these are almost always instant hits! Many of you are forgetting that Iori _does not know how to love_! Therefore, I wrote a song to the tune of "Tell Her No" by the Zombies, entitled "Resist Iori's Charms". Originally, this was just the song, but now it's part of a real story. 

* * *

Background: Rumors have been rampant about Mary, Kyo, Leona, Shermie, Mai, and even Athena being somehow romantically involved with Iori. There is little to these rumors, but nevertheless, Terry, Yuki, Ralf, Kensou, Yashiro, and Andy are concerned that Iori might be trying to steal them. Worse, derogatory things have been said left and right about how "bad" Terry, Yuki, Ralf, Kensou, Yashiro, and Andy are for their respective loves. On evening, the six get together at a bar to discuss the matter over a few drinks. 

"I don't undertsand," said Terry. "Why would Mary go for that guy? He's a crook; she's a cop!" 

"First he steals my stage, now's he's trying to steal my girl!" said Yashiro. "Can't I do _nothing_ without Redhead butting in!" 

"Bad enough there are rumors about Kyo and Athena," said Yuki. "Besides, I thought Iori hated Kyo!" 

"Think you've got problems, try being me!" replied Kensou. 

"Or me," said Ralf. 

"Or me," said Andy. "I really do love Mai, I wish she was a little less 'agressive' if you know what I mean." 

"Guys, we gotta do _something_!" said Terry. "Sittin' here mopin' ain't doin' a bit of good." 

"But what _can_ we do?" asked Yuki. 

Just then a newly-posted sign caught Terry's eye. "Karaoke Tomorrow Night," it announced. 

"I've got an idea..." he said to the others.   



	2. The Lovers' Revenge

  
The next night, Mary, Kyo, Leona, Athena, Shermie, and Mai were invited to the bar by their respective partners to see the "big surprise" they had planned. Iori had come, too, but just for a drink or two. 

When their turn came, Terry, Yuki, Ralf, Kensou, Yashiro, and Andy took the stage. They were, supposedly, to sing "Tell Her No" by the Zombies, with Terry singing lead. However, they changed the lyrics. 

"And if he should tell you 'come closer'," sang Terry. "And if he tempts you with his charms..." 

Yuki, Ralf, Kensou, Yashiro, and Andy joined him on the next line. "Tell him no no no no no no no no. No no no no no no no no. No no no no no." 

"Don't hurt yourself for he has no love for thee," sang Terry. "And if he should tell you 'I love you', whoa-oh. And if he tempts you with his charms..." 

The others joined him again. "Tell him no no no no no no no no. No no no no no no no no." 

"Oh, oh! Don't listen to all his lies!" sang Terry over his back-up singers. 

"No no no no no," sang Yuki, Ralf, Kensou, Yashiro, and Andy. 

"Oh, oh, oh, oh!" sang Terry over them, then again sang "Don't hurt yourself for he has no love for thee." 

A little louder than before, Terry sang, "You know he's the kind of guy who'd throw your love away! Someone else loves you so! Don't hurt yourself, don't hurt yourself!" 

His voice reverted to its previous tone as he sang, "If he tells you 'I love you', just remember he has none to give." 

"Tell him no no no no no no no no. No no no no no no no no. No no no no no." sang Yuki, Ralf, Kensou, Yashiro, and Andy. 

"Oh yeah! Oh!" sang Terry over them. "Don't give in to all his lies! Oh, oh, oh, oh!" He ended with "Don't leave us now, for he has no love for thee." 

After everyone (except Mary, Kyo, Leona, Athena, Shermie, Mai, and Iori) applauded and the performers took their bows, Terry said, "Thank you! We would like to dedicate this song to our respective lovers (they know who they are), who have supposedly been tempted by that jerk in the corner!" Terry then pointed towards Iori. The crowd turned in that direction and booed. 

All at once, Iori jumped to his feet and ran towards the stage. 


	3. How It Ended

Surprisingly, Iori did not attack Terry, Yuki, Ralf, Kensou, Yashiro, and Andy. Instead he began a karaoke performance of his own. 

"How do rumors get started?" he sang. "they're started by the jealous people and they get mad seeing something they had and somebody else's holding. They tell me that temptation is very hard to resist. These stupid morons, oohh they just persist!" 

A few patrons looked a little alarmed. Others, including Mary, Kyo, Leona, Athena, Shermie, Mai, Terry, Yuki, Ralf, Kensou, Yashiro, and Andy stared with great interest. 

"Maybe you think it's cute, but I am not impressed," sang Iori, his anger beginning to show in his voice. "I'm telling you one time only with my business please don't mess!" 

"Look at all these rumors, surrounding me every day! I just need some time, some time to get away," he continued. "From all these rumors! I can't take it no more! From what they've said, there's one out now about me and the girl next door." 

"Hear that one about Mary? Some say that she's my toy," Iori sang. "That came straight from a guy who hates her actual boy! Did you here that one about Kyo? Some say that we are gay. I've tried to aruge but that lie still has become a real cliche! Did you hear that one about Shermie? Some say that she's my girl. That one's a real big stretch, the most farfetched, I think I'm gonna hurl!" 

"Look at all these rumors, surrounding me every day! I just need some time, some time to get away," he continued. "From all these rumors! I can't take it no more! From what they've said, there's one out now about me and the girl next door." 

"I can't go no place without somebody pointing a finger!" he sang, sounding even more frustated than earlier. "I can't show my face 'cause when it comes to rumors I'm a dead ringer! It seems from rumors, I just can't get away. I'll bet there'll even be rumors floating around on Judgement Day!" 

"I'll think I'll write my congressman and tell him to pass a bill, for the next time they catch somebody starting rumors- shoot to _kill_!" He glared into the audience as he sang that line, and watched as those who had become nervous at the beginning of his performance either broke into a cold sweat or tried to run and hide. 

"Look at all these rumors, surrounding me every day! I just need some time, some time to get away," he continued. "From all these rumors! I can't take it no more! From what they've said, there's one out now about me and the girl next door." At that point there was a long instrumental break. Iori took that opportunity to chase and attack the apparent perpetrators of the rumors. They were all severely injured, if not killed. 

"What's mine is mine, I ain't got time for rumors in my life," Iori sang as soon as he returned to the stage. 

"Look at all these rumors," Terry, Yuki, Ralf, Kensou, Yashiro, Andy, Shermie, Mai, and Kyo, couldn't resist adding, stretching the word "rumors". 

"I'm a man who thinks, not a man who drinks, so please let me live my life." Iori sang. Everbody sang these lines three times in a row. 

"Look at all these rumors, surrounding me every day! I just need some time, some time to get away," Iori continued, alone again. "From all these rumors! I can't take it no more! From what they've said, there's one out now about me and the girl next door." After repeating those lines twice more Iori turned to Terry, Yuki, Ralf, Kensou, Yashiro, and Andy, shot them a menacing look, and warned, "I let you off this time, but next time I won't be so civil." 

With that, Iori left. By this time, the place was empty as all but Mary, Kyo, Leona, Athena, Shermie, Mai, Terry, Yuki, Ralf, Kensou, Yashiro, and Andy had fled with fear during Iori's rampage. 

"Now do you understand why we did this?" Terry asked Mary. 

"Well, you shouldn't always believe everything you hear," replied Mary. "Though I have no _clue_ what prompted the rumors about me!" 

"The ones about me, were probably started by some 'jealous people' who like his band better," said Shermie. 

"There have been rumors floating around about me and nearly everyone _except_ Andy, since, well, forever," said Mai. "None of those were true, either." 

"The ones about me may have stemmed from that time I was the warm-up act for his band before I hit it big," said Athena. "But we never really interacted even then, and I've got a witness." She gestured towards Kensou. 

"Oh, yeah," he responded. "I nearly forgot about that!" 

"Speaking of rumors about Athena," said Kyo, "the ones about _me_ and her are no more true than the ones about her and Iori. Or for that matter the ones about Iori and myself. Granted, I'm not as intent on killing him as he is on killing me, but I don't _love_ him! I just wish he'd leave me alone is all." 

"And though Iori and I have the same 'disease' so to speak, that doesn't mean we're an item," said Leona. "That's like saying two people who happen to be the same religion should be a couple based on that alone." 

Everyone just stood silent for a minute or two. 

At last, Kyo said, "The night's still young, why don't we all go someplace else and forget this whole thing ever happened." 

The others agreed, and they left for another bar. In time, even Iori forgot all about the rumors and what had resulted from them. 

* * *

  
The song Iori sang was "Rumors" by Timex Social Club, with slightly changed lyrics. And keep in mind that this story isn't in the same universe as ours, much like the game itself, so those who started the rumors in that universe aren't the same as those who started them in real life. If you would like to repost this elsewhere, knock yourselves out. Just give credit where credit is due.   
  
  
  



End file.
